There’s Always One

One thing unites all the two billion families, around the world, of every colour and creed. It’s the rule of There’s Always One. Recently I caught some evidence on camera, see if you can spot the One in our family:

Nikon D300, Sigma 10-20mm lens, 1/60 at f 4, ISO 200, hand held with flash. Front row, from left: mother in law Bev, Tracey’s Mum Iris, The One, big brother Mark. Back row, from left: father in law John, Mark’s partner Tracey. Occasion: they all just dropped in. Marie had finally got over her morning sickness, and sensing a rare welcoming atmosphere Mark and Tracey brought Iris up north, tiring of the easy life in their luxury Kent mansion, to see how the other half live. Before they joined us, they picked up The One, luring her from her cave with some cheese, and brought her over. Despite being heavily drugged, The One slipped her harness just as I was taking a peaceful family picture, and immediately afterwards caused over £11,000 worth of damage including destroying our Panasonic plasma TV, several camera lenses and a rare porcelain fertility symbol. All to be expected, and nobody thinks badly of her because, after all, There’s Always One.

We had her taken away, of course, and she was humanely put down in Peterborough later that day. We placed these flowers on the kitchen windowsill in commemoration:

Nikon D300, Sigma 10-20mm lens, 1/100 at f 8, ISO 200, hand held with flash. Blinds custom made and inspired by HUSTLE off the telly, note Yankee Candle to left of windowsill – expensive candles-in-jars which apparently people collect, so we bought a couple, lit them, and the smell made pregnant Marie feel sick, so we haven’t ever lit them again. More money that could have been better spent with The Big Issue guy on the High Street. Spot mugs colour-coordinated with blinds, these things matter desperately.